monday night/ tuesday morning, i left dan's place at liek 2:30am because we decided that we won't sleep at each other's place until we both get better (we kept getting each other sick). i would have left earlier, but then i kind of had food coma, so i passed out at his place.

anyway, one good thing about being up and not too tired at that time, is that grocery shopping is sublime in the dead of the night. the ralphs supermarket by my place is open 24 hrs, and around 3am is usually when start stocking the next day's inventory. i always find it so serene and calming to go shopping then because you can see the deals for the next day, and the fruit is usually the newest shipment.

avocados are one of those things i indulge in. even though it's not UNhealthy, it's still fatty, but i still love it nonetheless. i eat it cut in half and drizzled with tabasco. ralphs had the little ones for $1 each, so i bought 2, figure i'd practice portion control with the tiny avocados.

small avocados that refuse to ripen are soooo infuriating! i brought them to work the next day. i put one in the fridge, one wrapped in a napkin in my drawer. each day i check to see if they one in my drawer is ripe enough to eat. each day, the sad answer is no. yesterday, i took the chance and cut it open. no it was not ready. if you do not know my love of avocados with tabasco and the joy it brings me, you will not understand. well, yesterday, even though the avocado wasn't creamy enough yet, i still ate half. i wrapped the other half in ziplock and sucked out some of the air and put it back in the work fridge. i was hoping that, even though i know it'll brown, that i'll just scrape off the oxidation and maybe it'll ripen a bit over night.

it did not.

now, i've had a rough week. i think it's the whole flippin' diet and the not being able to spend time with the bf. today, i'm feeling physically great, but mentally miserable. i keep seeing big plates of spaghetti and meatballs floating around my head. i know i really need to eat something that i LOVE in order to feel better. so i went to albertson's by work and got an avocado and some clementines.

the avocado was the perfect ripeness where there was no brown or stringy stuff inside. when i cut it open, it was like butta.

i honestly don't know who eats it the way i do. see that bottle of tabasco there? it's half empty. i bought it late this summer for the sole purpose of eating avocado at work. it's not even the tiny bottle, it's the 5 fl oz bottle. i could not contain my excitement and ate the whole avocado. that's like 270 orgasmic calories. seriously, my downstairs tingle when i eat this. however, i think that is due to the tabasco.

coffee at work is really good. i think that's why i'm so into drinking it. i just had a big cup of it. its just those calories in the creamers...

Jenni Cheung at 03:28 PM

i, along with all just about every SATC fan i know, was hoping that cashmere mafia would be another sex and the city. but alas, it falls very short.

one of the reasons is that these women are so unaccessible. how often is it that 4 powerhouse women like that have this kind of relationship? sure it's somewhat enviable, but i really just can't relate. i wanted to watch this because lucy liu is in it, and i always want asian americans to get ahead in the media, but WHY do they always put her in such atrocious outfits?! i was so close to giving up on this series (and YES it is partly because of the ugly fashion that they stick on tiny mia, lucy liu's character), but then this gorgeous asian guy pops up as her blind date, and i can't stop starting. i don't really like his hair, but what a nice height, and i think he is chinese too, cuz i IMDBed him and he's jack yang. yang is a chinese last name, right?

yeah he's hot. i'm not sure if he'll still be in the series though, because in the previews, it seems like mia is kissing some other dude.

i'm not too crazy about the whole lesbian branch of the story either. nothing wrong with lesbians, it just seems too forced.

meh.

Jenni Cheung at 08:40 AM

so the first one is me eating paripo a few days ago, they're like inside-out pocky:

http://jennicheung.com/gallery/20080120/

the second one is of me tonight, after washing my face. i think this is the only gallery of me without any makeup AT ALL. i was getting ready for bed, but realized i'm not too tired yet:

http://jennicheung.com/gallery/20080124/

Jenni Cheung at 11:25 PM

if you knew me well, you'd know that, when it comes to food, i'm lazy, calorie-obsessed (sometimes), meat-loving, cheap-eats-seeking, mildly hypoglycemic, stress-eating, libation-pouring, and flavor-curious, but willing to splurge once in awhile. and you'd probably also know that i drink tea.

well recently, i've taken a liking to coffee.

i've started tracking my calories again since my self-esteem is inversely proportionate to my mass, therefore my fitday link is up on the left again. coffee satisfies my need for something warm and filling, and my need for something rich-ish and sweet. however, when prepared at the office, i use their creamer (just one) and it's 30 CALORIES! and that's for a small cup (meaning half my mug) of coffee!

now, with my diet plan in place, i will not let myself consume that preposterous amount of calories for something that doesn't even contain alcohol! i drink tea without anything added. i drink diet sodas (when i do drink sodas). i drink absinthe with splenda, and i buy diet tonic to mix with my vodka. fuck 40 calories for a not-even-that-rich 8 oz of coffee.

months ago, i've invested in an aeropress coffee maker. the mechanism is marvelous, but the coffee i made was gross. it astounded me since all the reviewers raved about it. therefore, i've merely cast the machine aside and went on with my tea drinking ways.

today, i started contemplating my coffee dilemma again. i really need to be able to make yummy coffee at home in order to cream it with almond milk (which is only 10 calories for a 1/4 CUP). i thought about getting a coffee maker at home, but that's so cumbersome. i reread the reviews and instructions for the aeropress. here is what i've concluded: i made it with stale coffee and i put too little coffee for the amount of water i used.

i started googling for the best pre-ground coffee, but every forum would have at least several people saying how there's no reason to not grind your own coffee. that's right! as a loose leaf tea drinker, i know how that feels. sure i still invest in some bagged teas (namely herbal teas that help me sleep or the 'get gorgeous' tea from republic of tea), but i know how tender a freshly brewed cup of whole leaf green tea can taste.

so screw my budget! (it's already been deflowered since its december re-virginization by my makeup and sushi habit) i gave in and bought a coffee grinder on amazon. it's the first one that comes up when you search for coffee grinders and it has a high ratings. i also bought a new tea tumbler. the nissan one with a tea basket! i don't know what my obsession is with making single servings of beverages with nifty contraptions. i wonder if they sell decaf beans at the supermarket. i'm such a coffee n00b.

speaking of food adventures, i dunno why it took me so long to go back to yagumo sushi (i just wrote a review on it)in van nuys! my friend jason introduced me to this place awhile back, and i'm always kind of around because of rehearsals... gotta go back more!

Jenni Cheung at 05:35 PM

it's been 2.5 months since the end of my last relationship. i'd be lying if i said that i've completely moved on and everything is absolutely wonderful. from what i remember, the formula is that it takes half the time of the duration of the relation to get over it. thinking back, this seems to be quite true in all my past relationships. so i guess i have another 9.5 months to go.

this is not to say that i'm not super happy with the current one, because i am. in fact, i don't think i've ever felt so strongly about someone this early on in the relationship (not even back in highschool!). it's just that every little thing is a reminder of the past. songs that come up on the radio, songs that come up on my ipod, restaurants we go to, little habits i have that i developed in the last two years... is this what they call baggage? 'baggage' always seemed to be something so much more severe, like Offspring's song "She's Got Issues".

it's even worse when similar goals are discussed with the current boyfriend. i can't help but feel that tinge of guilt, like i am betraying something deep inside me. and in turn, i feel a slight betrayal when the ex does things that we always talked about doing, but he never got around to while we're together. am i so unimportant, that he couldn't become the better person that he is now while he was with me? if i did things better, and was a better person, would things have been different?

now, i know i'm overly critical sometimes, and that's another part of me that's currently hurting what i have now. everything that goes even remotely wrong, i start thinking, "did i do something wrong? what if this doesn't work out? what if i'm not good enough? does he even care?" and when things go right, which they usually do, i keep thinking "omg, i'm just going to ruin this relationship like the last one because things were great in the last one too. what does he really want from me? do i need to up the game? why does he even like me, i'm so fat." ridiculous stuff like that.

my head hurts. i tear up randomly. i am 24 and i am having my quarter-life crisis. i'm not where i want to be at in my career, because i don't even know what i really want to do. i'm dating an awesome guy and i feel like i'm not good enough to deserve it. i feel like i'm dragging down the band because my keyboard parts aren't tight enough and i can't sing loud enough. credit agencies are screwing me over for no reason. my skin still breaks out, and i'm still waiting for my bangs to grow out like it's high school all over again. i eat a burger and it shows up as tummy fat instantaneously. if i get married, i don't have girl friends so i won't have a maid of honor/bridesmaids.

ok, i guess the last paragraph doesn't really have to do with the repercussions of a long relationship directly. but it all leads me to think one thing (which is why i'm having this quarter life crisis): I AM FAIL.

Jenni Cheung at 10:19 AM